Being Alone
by shyinkling
Summary: About Loki when he was younger (way before Thor) and he is dealing with being hated and just having a hard time in general.
1. Chapter 1

**I did not create these character or this world I have the wonderful Marvel to thank. Also just so you know I have never had the courage to show any of my work before so please be easy on me.**

The words they speak hurt me. I would never admit it but they do. I always reply with a smart remark, a smirk, or I simply ignore them. I hold my back strait as I walk down the hall, ignoring the guards I pass. Finally reaching my chambers I am able to let down the armor I have built around myself, once the door is shut and locked I am able to fall against it curling in on myself.

Tears fall, exploding from my eyes. My breath comes in great shudders, rocking my whole body. _You do not deserve the name you possess. You should not be called a son of Odin. He does not love you, he despises you as does everyone else. You are a disappointment. Hiding your weakness behind magic, a trick. When forced to fight choosing knives a woman's weapon. You are worthless. _There words reverberate through my mind. The repetition locking the memories in though I attempt to forget. Soon the sobs come so quickly I can not breath.

_Do they think they must say the words aloud? That I do not know I am worthless. _The smooth wood of the floor presses on my cheek, my tears dripping down, darkening the wood.

**I apologize that this is so short I hope someone enjoyed it... If so I will try to update soon. Thank you for your time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I did not create these character or this world I have the wonderful Marvel to thank! I am also thankful to those who addd this story to favorites or followed me you are the best!**

Finally regaining some control I push myself to my feet, brushing my black hair behind my ears I look around me. My room is a maculate as usual, the books stacked neatly on my desk, the green covers on me bed puled strait.

_I do not want to go to the feast tonight. Why should I go to a feast celebrating the greatness of king Odin when he hardly looks my way when I pass. _I sit down on my bed, my shoulders hunched, my fingers pulling nervously on the end of my tunic. _Perhaps I should just not go; I doubt that anyone would miss my presence. Hummm..._ I press my fingers together _it would be interesting to know there reactions. _

Decision made I stand up and walk to the small looking glass positioned above the chest containing my cloths. A small thin boy looks back at me, eyes red from tears contrasting with pail skin. Feeling the magic course through my veins I close my eyes allowing it to fill me up. Upon opening my eyes I look at the empty glass.

I feel my lips turn up in a grim smile but am unable to see the change. _By now the feast will have been going for quite some time, if someone was coming for me they would have already been hear. Also I suppose everyone should be too drunk at this point that it should be easy to nick some food. _

With confidence that is usually an act I steel out of my room. The corridor is deserted, confirming my belief that the feast had already started. My soft leather boots barley make a noise on the polished floor. _Thor would never be able to do this_ I inwardly smirk. _He is much to noisy to sneak up on anything. But _an annoying voice says _he would never have to sneak into a feast invisible everyone would wish him there. _

I push that thought out instead focussing on the nearing voices. _The servers doors would be the easiest way in, no one would notice that door opening._ The door is smaller than the others in the corridor, simple wooden carvings adorn it rather than the gold my ancestors preferred to plaster everywhere. With a deep breath I gently nudge the door open glancing inside. It is as I expected. Tables laden with food, surrounded by those of all ages. The older ones drinking the younger shrieking happily. All at ease.

I recognize the group of boys father insists I take weapons lessons with. _Why does he make me endure them? He must know how they treat me. He knows how pathetic I am. Why could he not spare me the shame and allow me to have my lessons separately? _They are all pushing each other playfully boasting of the deeds they will accomplish all the while snatching as many deserts as possible.

I slip through the door and carefully staying close to the wall I edge nearer the top table where Odin, Thor, Frigga, and Odin's closest advisers are sitting. On my way I grab a apple from a near platter, rolling it back and forth between my hands. Thor appears slightly agitated, for once not devouring all food in sight he is simply looking glumly down at his plate ignoring our parents conversation.

"May I go check on Loki?" he finally blurts out much to my surprise.

Odin glances over at him, surprised he would dare interrupt him. "Why should you?" he is not hear, perhaps he is studying, ill, or simply busily." he dismisses turning back to Frigga.

"If he is ill then he should be brought food" Thor insists

"If ill he would have asked for food to be sent to him." Odin's statement is clearly closing the subject. His eyes leaving his son and immediately returning to his previous conversation.

Thor seams perturbed but not enough to talk back, instead continuing to stair sulkily down at his plate. _Perhaps..._ I begin but before I can even finish my thought Thor stands up and walks over to the vey group of boys who had been tormenting me earlier. _Or not. He simply wanted compony not mine specifically. _

My appetite gone I turn from the room and escape back into the safety ad solitude of the hallway. The noise emitting from the hall sounds ominous and overwhelming not welcoming. _I did not want there compony anyway, it should not hurt that they do not wish mine. _I attempt to calm my breathing as a steal down the hall, not bothering to be too quiet everyone is at the feast.

I slam my door shut, an unusual action for me but I know no one will hear. _Everyone else is having too much fun celebrating. _Pacing back and forth I slowly feel my rage begin to ebb away to be replaced with the sadness again. _Why do I allow them to hurt e. I should not care what they think. This just proves the point that I am week and foolish. _Realizing that I still have the apple clutched in my hand I furl it away from me as hard as possible gaining some satisfaction with the noise it makes as it hits the wall.

Refusing to let myself succumb to tears so easily I create a ball of light and grab the book on top of the pile on my desk. The usually fascinating words fail to draw me in. The spells I already understand and the histories already memorized. _Why can this not be fascinating? _My anger returned I slam the book down and pace back and forth slapping my hands agents my thighs.

A noise down the hall brings me out of my thoughts. Instinctively I extinguish the light releasing the power and listen closer. Almost immediately I recognize the steps as Thor's. Not wanting to deal with him and his questions I fling myself down onto my bed pulling the covers up to my neck. A knock. _Thor does not realize how loud he always is. _ I mock the loudness.

"Loki. Are you fine? May I enter?"

I refuse to reply instead making my breathing steady as Thor opens the door. _And this is what I get for forgetting to lock my door. _I berate myself keeping my eyes shut. I shift slightly sleepily before returning to my original position on my side. This is not the first time I have pretended to be asleep.

Thor's steps come closer and closer, my face itching with his eyes upon me. "Brother" the word is almost a whisper and I can not deiced if it was a question of if I heard him or a statement. Either way I ignore it continuing my act. Thor stays there for quite some time, until I am about ready to scream and through the covers over his head. When I finally hear the door shut quietly behind him I breath out all the air I hadn't realized I was holding.

_He chose to see me even when Odin said he should simply ignore my absence since it must be my fault. Why would he come to me?_ I stand up and resume pacing in my dim room. My mind is racing so quickly that even I can not keep up. _I must stop this. I do not want to think. I shall practice. Perhaps if I tire my body enough then my mind will quiet. _

I consider _which spell would take the most energy?_ My eyes falling on my bed I have an idea. Reaching for the power once more I focus on the bed. Eager to obey me it rises of the floor and hear is where the complex magic comes in. I simultaneously think of destroying an protecting. My bed bursts into flames and flips over and over. The green flames seem to be devouring the bed, wood charing, blankets burning, emitting a black smoke. The smoke however is odorless and when I release the magic and rest the bed back on the floor the bed is unharmed. The flames were real but I protected the bed producing the illusion of my belongings burning.

My muscles tremble and fatigue sweeps over me. While I use power outside of my the use of magic still tires me. Still perfecting the channeling of energy I am still requiring energy of my own. Mind still racing I decide spell after spell to weave, each one more exhausting than the last.

Again, again, each time I complete a spell start another not giving myself time to think. Finally I feel my knees collapse under me. _Perhaps I should have stopped sooner. Perhaps I should not have gone this far. _But it is too late the floor is rushing up to meet me.

**I am sorry I try hard but I am a terrible speller. Also I know you must be busily but if you have thoughts please review. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so sorry that this took so long, life decided to explode. I do have several ruff ideas typed out so it should be much quicker next time! Thank you so so much to all those who gave me reviews your feedback really makes me hppy and I love hearing from you :) you are all so incredibly nice and encouraging thank you! As you know I did not create this world I am simply making my own story in it.**

Blinking slowly I come to myself, each blink waking me more. The first thing I am aware of is my stiff muscles, all cramping from use and the hard floor. My body feels drained. _If only Thor and his friends could understand how fatiguing using magic is. _I think attempting to stretch my sore body. I blink slowly everything coming into focus. Obscuring my vision is a wight sphere. Several blinks latter I realize it is the apply I threw yesterday, split in half to reveal the pail insides. _Yesterday..._ I remember a bitter taste entering my mouth and leaving me feeling ill. My exhausted body protests when I attempt to rise so instead I simply prop my head up and consider what I should do with my day.

_All I have is a history lesson which I have already read ahead and learned_ the informati_on. Then Thor and I are to sit in during fathers council_._ A dull day in all. Unless... _I grin to myself ignoring the exhaustion to sit up and consider my plan. _I could stay hear no one would ever know. _I reach for the streams of power once more, frustratingly it is more difficult than the previous night due to my previous excessive use of magic. Although difficult my continual training has paid off and I find the power.

Eyes forced shut I keep my mind firmly placed on constructing my illusion and am almost immediately rewarded with a double of myself grinning back at me. Everything is perfectly replicated; this double will be able to go through the day leaving me free to do as I wish. The control and observation of this double will only take me a fraction of my mind power.

Nodding once my double exits my chambers with a compete illusion bag "filled" with what books I would "require" in the day.

My confidence grows as the day passes, not a single individual questions me. In fact my history touter barely glances towards me before launching into his lecture. By lunch I have completed three books explaining the more complex aspects of magic. And I tell myself firmly over and over again have never had a better day. No one bothering me for I can chose to ignore the information coming from the illusion. Mother informed me when she first found me using magic that instruction was necessary, that I needed to know my bounds. She would never have accepted me creating a life illusion for an extended period of time after already completing large quantities of magic previously.

_I does not matter what she thinks. I can do this. _I feel my hands begin to shake, both real and in the illusion. _I need only be strong for several hours more. _Now it is not only an escape to freedom but the opportunity to prove myself if only to me. _They all say I am feeble and week a useless runt but I will be successful in this. _

The book I am attempting to absorb myself in can no longer capture my attention so I through it the the ground and turn my attention to my illusion. Keeping to y usual habits my illusion is seated alone at the farthest table from odin and closest to the door. A plate of conjured fruit rests in front of me my illusion slowly eating several grapes.

Thor bursts in to the room his face flushed from his weapons training. His four loyal companions surrounding him with chatter, Sif perfectly fitting in with the boys. I briefly note Thor's eyes turning my direction before almost immediately turning back to his friends. _Thank you for your care brother. _I think sarcastically. Not even able to fake an appetite I have my illusion stand and walk from the hall entering the throne room to wait. Wearily my illusion sinks to the floor leaning my head agents the cold gold plated wall, my vision falling upon Odins grand throne raised in front of me.

_He repeatedly tells me that Thor and I both have an equal chance of sitting on that throne, that the choice will only be of who will be the better king but I know it is not. Everyone favors Thor. And why would they not? Who would chose me when they have the option of Thor? If the decision was up to me I would still refuse the throne, to be tied down by all those rules and regulations. Always having to do whats beast for the kingdom and not what I wish. It would be terrible, but because they will never accept me I desperately desire it. _

I feel my illusions hands hit the floor in frustration. Forcibly making myself relax I take several deep breaths.

Slowly the court begins to file into the chamber the fake me springing to its feet at the first entrance. Barely glancing in my direction they all fill the room hundreds of hushed voices amplified into a dull roar. At the entrance of Odin and Thor the room quiets and I walk forward to take my place besides Thor. The chair is right smack dab in the front of everyones view.

"Brother" Thor mumbles to me between two council members speeches.

"What?"i hiss keeping my- no my illusions eyes forward.

"When the council ends do you wish to go for a ride?" I can almost hear his lips turn up in a smile.

_He knows how I love to ride; and he obviously believes I will be unable to refuse his suggestion. He has new friends now though he does not need me. Why is he asking? _"you could ask your real friends."

Thor looks as if he is about to respond when silenced by a glower from Odin, which I notice is pointed towards me. _T'was not even I who started it, this time. _Resolutely I have my illusion glower towards the front before distancing myself from the illusion for the remainder of the meeting. I only notice the end of the council when the noise increases as they exit. Odin is already on his feet and with a brief ruffle of Thor's hair he too exits. _Once again defiantly equal between us. _ I think sarcastically. Internally I sigh and prepare to return to the book I was reading in my room when Thor comes up to me once again engaging me in conversation as if we had not been interrupted over an hour ago.

"Why would I ask someone else? I asked you, I know you do not have a lesson tonight so why object?"

"Well you have been asking them for everything lately so why change now? They are obviously much better than I." I attempt to only sound scathing and hide the hurt, but to my anger a flash of recognition passes over him.

"Brother" he says stepping forward attempting to place a massive hand on my shoulder. I doge the contact knowing pro personnel experience that if he touches "me" my illusion will vanish.

"Do not touch me!" although this is a fairly frequent sentiment of mine I foolishly place too much desperation into my voice. By this time the hall is completely deserted.

"Brother why are you hiding?" his voice is quiet and his attempts to make contact cease.

"You are simply not looking." I myself am unsure if I am simply shrugging off his words or actually expressing feelings.

"No you are hiding, blocking yourself off form the world. Please do not block me out as well." his words meant to soothe instead enrage me.

"Block you out? That is hardly necessary as you do that already." I shout the words through my illusion, the world is shaking from my anger, my real lungs gasp for breath. "You blocked me out years ago." the shaking intensifies and my words continue but I can not comprehend what they are. I feel myself flash back and forth between my real body and my illusion. With more force than a horses kick I am thrust into my real body, my illusion lost and all my energy spent. I attempt to stay sitting in the chair but my body had gone limp and I tumble gracelessly to the floor. Each blink seams to take longer than the last as I lay sprawled on the floor. I vaguely recognize the sound of feet pounding down the hall towards e a deep voice fills my ears as I feel strong arms beneath me. Between the hazy shadow's I hear a higher voice but can neither recognize the voice or understand the words spoken. Unconsciousness once again engulfs me.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later my muscles still ache and I am sleeping more than I ever have before. _I must not over use my magic again. The consequences are definitely not worth it. _My muscles protest as I once again attack the empty coat of armor I have been "fighting" for the last two hours. Pushing my sweaty hair out of my eyes I set my knives down so as to easily be able to put the armor back. The heavy metal in my arms I set off, barley three steps from the entrance I feel something solid knock into my shoulder setting me off balance. With loud clangs and bangs the armor falls creating a small cloud of dust.

"Greetings weakling." the menacing voice comes from behind me. I turn and see three of Thors newest acquaintances rarely seen with him except for large social events. They attempted to enter into the same level of companionship as Siff and the warriors three but failed miserably.

"And to you." I keep any aggression out of my voice, there are after all three of them.

"We were not seriously pleased to see you." the tallest one comes forward obviously meaning business.

"I actually understood your meaning I was simply trying to-" my thought is cut short with a sharp elbow to the gut. I ignore the pain and carefully select a spell which will not require to much energy having thoroughly learned my lesson. The knees are knocked out from him with three uttered words. I am unable to enjoy my victory however when his friends outraged grab me: one pressing there hand firmly over my mouth preventing speech and subsequently spells.

"Not a word." one says unnecessarily and were I not in this situation I would have rolled my eyes. To my anger my body begins to panic, my heart beating faster and faster. _They have me. I can only complete a handful of spells without words and none would be at all useful. _Lashing out I attempt to kick anything I can reach. For my efforts I receive two sharp blows one to the head the other to the stomach. My eyes water from the pain and I have to bight my lip to keep from crying out.

_I must attempt to get away. Or at least not be the easiest target imaginable. That would only solidify there belief that I am week. _I bight down hard on one of the fingers pressed over my mouth; with a howl the hand is swiftly removed. Before I can think of a spell I am grabbed again, this time by the tall seemingly leader of there small group.

"What were you thinking?" he snaps holding me tightly. I repeatedly slam my foot down onto his but he hardly seams to notice. He finishes telling the other two off before turning back to me. "So little prince... What shall we do with you?" each word contains an unspoken threat, his eyes glistening maliciously. Unable to speak I settle for glowering back and stamping my food down with all the force I can muster. "Its just you against all of us. No one to protect you. But there never is is there? Who would waste there time to protect a week runt like you?" His words sting me though I attempt to ignore them, thrashing in his grip to no prevail."it is about time someone punished you. I take that burden upon myself." his smile widens terribly.

The blows start out bringing merely dull pain which I ignore demanding my thoughts to wander elsewhere. A sickening crack brings me sharply back, unable to stop myself I cry out trying to curl up around my rib which is throbbing with sharp bursts of pain.

"Did that feel good?" the leader laughs hitting me repeatedly where the ribs feel to be broken. Soon my legs will no longer support me and I fall to the ground. My mouth is no longer covered but can not form a single thought over the pain blossoming all over my body. The boy continues ruthlessly kicking me again and again. Moaning on he ground I simply attempt to protect m ribs and hope desperately they will get bored soon. Kick kick kick...

Relief fills me when with one final kick the boys leave laughing over their victory. Unable to move I stay on my side slowly catching my breath. Each breath I take is shallow to reduce the amount of pain. I vaguely feel something drip down my face, a hand brought up comes away crimson. _He must have hit my nose at some point. That is hardly important now though. _Afraid someone will come along and find me I force myself to relax and focus reaching for the magic. I do not have the time to heal my ribs but an able to set them back into the proper position. Gasping in pain I carefully push myself to my feet. The world sways but I refuse to let it bother me, not now. _Some servant will come along and clean this up. _I glance down at the armor which picking up at the moment seems impossible. Instead I return to the clearing and pick up my knives, and begin the walk back to my quarters. To my pleasure no one is in the vicinity and I am free from having to make up an excuse for my injuries. _Not that anyone would care. _ I think as I ease my door open.

Once in my room the first thing to do I decide is to remove the blood. With a basin of water I carefully wash my face wincing at the sensitivity of my nose. Inn too much pain to care that I am dripping, hopefully only water, every wear I go to one of my chests and dig through it. The herb am looking fore is luckily on top. Rip off four leaves I chew the bitter green plant. Relief slowly fills me and as the pain becomes manageable I sit back on my bed finally able to think again.

_These boys went farther than the others who simply used insults. There will be bruises I will have to work to hide. _But then another thought hits me. _They will not be difficult to conceal for who would look?_ My heart begins to feel cold and empty. _Perhaps they were right there is no one who truly cares, because I am not worth caring about. _

**Sorry for the rather short chapter I know what I want to do with the story but it is fighting me a bit. I do hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading!**


End file.
